Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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