my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
