He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
