i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I need to align my fucking chakras
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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