Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
