Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
