I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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