I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
North Korea, Best Korea!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
is wine microwaveable?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
