i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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