My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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