giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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