Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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