sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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