I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
