what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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