I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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