I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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