Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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