I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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