I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
