HIV tests are more positive than that guy
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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