found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
