my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Life is so much better after having sex.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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