Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just want to make out with him forever
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