you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
