It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
