We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
