So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
