oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
