I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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