After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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