the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
