if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
