he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
