my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
