just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
