I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's just like the Real World with babies
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
