i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
