Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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