you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
