dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I checked into jail on foursquare
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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