Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
