Someone shit on the floor
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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