I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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