There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Bring me that man meat
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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