Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
