I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
