just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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