then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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