a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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