If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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